Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
