I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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