glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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