you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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