Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
