Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
