my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
