Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
