You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
