If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
