It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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