her vagine was all disorganized.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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