I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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