so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
