WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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