Pants 0. Shit 1.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
