so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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