Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I have post one night stand depression
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