...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
