I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
