wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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