Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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