We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
