It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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