i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
