It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
