That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
