mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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