I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
