We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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