I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
