I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
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But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
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He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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