You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
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I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
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Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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