I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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