Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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