now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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