I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
