they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
