I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
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And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
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I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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