we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
As shirtless as possible
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
