i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
