At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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