trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
