hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
