Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
how does that bad decision feel?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
