I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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