1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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