I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
