it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
