I will die if light touches me.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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