You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
