He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
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My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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