it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
