im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
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