I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize