3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
