I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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