it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
