Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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