i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i drank out of a bidet.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
