Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
