As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
