her vagina looked like bernie madoff
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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