I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
