Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You can't special order awesome
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
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