if i can run in heels then i can drive
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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