i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
