I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize