Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
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Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
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Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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