Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
