im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
