Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
