Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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