I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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